The ILG Coint & Plick Awards

Coint & Plick 2010 Most Disappointing

Posted in 2010, Most Disappointing Games of the Year by trdn89 on June 13, 2011

Time for some disappointments.

Every voter was given the option to list their most disappointing game of the year on their ballot. For some, this meant their least favorite game; for some, the one that didn’t live up to their expectations; for some, the reasoning was completely personal.

There was a surprising degree of diversity in what people considered “disappointing”… here’s the gamut:

EZ Snappin
Physical Infirmity – My “biggest disappointment” was that I tore my biceps tendon so haven’t been able to do any motion controlled gaming since the Spring – no Wii, no trying out Move or Kinect. Honestly, I played so few games this year that I didn’t get a bummer. I ended up frustrated by FIFA11 after 50 or so hours, but it wasn’t broken or shit or anything.

Princess TamTam
Civ 5

Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth – Before its release the new gameplay mechanic (WALKING) sounded neat but this was the weakest entry in the series. Also: sexism and gaystereotypes.

Angry Birds – Despite the effort I put in (and enjoyment I surely got at the time), I have really no interest in going back no matter what additional content they provide.

Will M
Red Dead Redemption – Sure, the good parts are good, but in usual Rockstar style the bad parts are the fucking worst. There’s a reason that westerns don’t have 15-minute chase-cam horse-riding sequences. Especially since it looks nice for about 5 minutes and then it’s alllllllll the saaaaaaaaame. The exposition is brutally boring/bad. The ending is robbed of any gravity due to the epilogue bit (hey, u can keep going lol). Ugh. Bugged me so much. I am officially over these dudes’ games, GTA IV and now this.

Super Mario All-Stars – Seriously, Nintendo? You can’t even see fit to include Super Mario World or even, like, the levels based on those scannable Mario 3 cards on the disc? Fuck, you can’t even include more than TWELVE MINUTES OF MUSIC on the soundtrack CD? FUCKING NINTENDO IS FUCKING US AGAIN FUCK. *buys on day one anyway*

Vanquish – wish it had more unlockables, even just silly stuff like big head mode cheats, stupid suits or fuck-off-big guns. because the core /game/ aspect was so strong it wasn’t that big a deal mind

iPhone/iPod touch gaming – I’m finding myself really fascinated with the growing market and possibilities as much as anyone, but time and time again, I’ll play games feverishly recommended by others in the iPhone thread and come off bitterly disappointed, as just about every game is basically a slightly tweaked (but not significally so) version of a game I played on the DS or Kongregate or Newgrounds years ago. I think people are just amazed at the ability to play on your phone? Worst offender – Game Dev Story. Drop7 gets a pass, though, that one was really good.

Rock Band 3 – Maybe a guitar controller with eight million buttons wasn’t the greatest idea of all time? Also the song list is awful. I think the era of the music game is over.

Monster Hunter Tri – The concept was great, but in the end I shelled out $40 or so for a game that I couldn’t get into because of clunky controls. Currently in line to be thrown up on eBay first chance I get… sorry, Monster Hunter Tri.

Zora / Surfing at Work
Civilization 5.

Mitch Krpata
Limbo – In a sense, I’m disappointed with myself for not seeing what everybody else saw in this game. Others saw a brain-busting platformer swaddled in the clothes of a tragedy; I saw a pretentious, anachronistic platformer with delusions of grandeur.

Mass Effect 2 – The big selling point for this is supposed to be the characters and the great story, apparently. But the further I got into the game, the more I found myself beginning to sympathize with Roger Ebert’s tripe about video games and art (I eventually stopped playing before I get too close to the edge, but fuck you for that, bioware, party foul). I am confident that someday soon a giant game company will release a game with dialogue that is elevated above the 9th best action film of 1996, but Mass Effect 2 isn’t it. (IMO.) And when the wider non-gamer public is told from a variety of sources that Mass Effect 2 is supposed to be some great achievement in videogame storytelling, it does a great disservice to games in general. It comes across like an excellent 6th grade play. Unfortunately, aside from the story, all that’s left is a really easy action game and a whole bunch of planet probing. The graphics and sound are great, I’ll give it that.

Autumn Almanac
Gran Turismo 5 – The designers refused to follow any known UI convention and the game itself were boring. Even the 3D is underwhelming.

Alan N
Online Play in Dragon Quest 9 – Again, one of my peculiar old man hangups, but as a rule of thumb, I have never gotten much out of multiplayer. unless there are people physically in a room with me, anyway. I was pretty disappointed when I found out that it was a major component of dq9. it’s likely the reason I haven’t gotten around to playing yet, despite having dutifully bought the game already. (or used a voucher on it, anyway.) I love the series but I play dq games like I read a book: usually before bed or during my commute in 30min intervals. it’s a soothing, hermetic activity for me and online gaming is the opposite of that experience.

none, or the usual “that I didn’t play enough 2010 games”

Salsa Shark
Epic Mickey

The PS3 – Only got round to buying one this year, and haven’t enjoyed anything I’ve played on it. The exclusives all feel distinctly last-gen, and the machine itself is just…I dunno, too Japanese? When games aren’t, any more. So there’s a mismatch of form and function. Plus the update mechanisim is plain ridiculous. Oh i dunno, it’s just shit.

A Passing Spacecadet
One Chance (Flash) – Am I a sourpuss if my gaming disappointment is something I didn’t even spend any money or more than 40 minutes on? I just wanted this to be so amazing after reading glowing reviews. ILG was the one gaming-aware online community I’m on that didn’t go nuts over the genius of this thing. A profound artistic statement subverting gamers’ expectations, or a Choose Your Own Adventure book with about 3 choices and a handful of inscrutable and identically bleak endings? So much potential, but it just didn’t hang together for me.

1. Increased use of libraries or plug-ins I’ve got to download and games that look like they’ll run on my computer but actually run just as slow as Duke Nukem Forever would (the 2d runs as slow as 3d complaint)
2. Games and game websites (like Jacob Buczynski’s) previously available on the internet 1 or 2 years ago have disappeared without anyone archiving them.

A pair of intense disappointments apiece for the two NOIR MOVIE GAMES:

Alan Wake – Oh good, an unlikeable self-involved college professor simulator! I should have known that this was going to be awful when in the first hour of gameplay I got to experience one of the laziest moments of game design ever: yer walking around on an island, nothing weird has happened yet so you are just poking around and you decide to see what happens if you walk into the shallow water clearly accessible by the side of the dock. Now, this is obviously a spot the designer doesn’t want you getting too far into, because they haven’t bothered with any sort of swimming/wading mechanic because hey why would you if you set your game ON AN ISLAND. So they do the obvious rational thing, and decide that if you walk into the water YOU EXPLODE. It gets worse from there.
This is one of the lamest “spooky” games ever to splat onto the console market, no scares, nothing interesting, ENDLESS wandering through dark forests while the same 6 scary dudes attack you, puzzles designed for children or the mentally infirm. When one of the most derided budgets titles of the year (Deadly Premonition) manages to outshine you in every way YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG. Oh yeah, the story? It’s dumb as hell. The protagonist? He’s a boring self-involved dick! The whole game is built on a ultra-lame flashlight mechanic that is functionally the same as lock on machine gun spray, but for added fun you get to do that for a while and then you get to shoot the baddie with a regular gun. Of course there are also remarkable innovations like the grenade launcher flare gun and the regular grenade flashbang grenade. Oh wait, did I mention the timed running and jumping third person platforming sections? oh yeah, they suck a whole lot too. As an added bonus you get a couple of product placement moments that are so blunt that you can’t help but hear the designers laughing at you in the background while they line their pockets with corporate Kroners or whatever they use where this game is from. If that wasn’t enough, you get a cliffhanger ending
which fills you with the one true moment of yawning horror in the game, the terrible realization that they are undoubtedly going to make a sequel to this unmitigated piece of shit.

Alan Wake – Reviews/reactions were so disappointing I ended up not playing it at all after eagerly anticipating.

Heavy Rain – 10 hour B movie with terrible script, subpar voice acting and occasional button presses. strip away the cgi and you’re left with this

Heavy Rain. Heavy Rain sucks you in with an intriguing approach to controls and narrative and then mercilessly mocks your interest with some of the worst storytelling since Kevin Smith’s last movie. Turn on Cinemax After Dark, pop any random Saw on the Picture in Picture, and mindlessly fiddle with a DualShock 3 for an analogous experience.

And the winner and undisputed most disappointing game of the year is

Final Fantasy XIII. Terribly boring game. I was all psyched to get back into Final Fantasy (the last ones I had played were 7 + 8). Instead I got this ‘on the rails’ cliche fantasy world whose tutorial took about 30 hours too long to finish. Meh.

Final Fantasy XIII – in one way it was actually above expectations in that the combat was really, really fun and addictive, but basically almost everything else about it totally sucked, so it still has to take it.

break-ups are hard. but break-ups are rarely interesting to those on the outside of them, the slow deterioration of a relationship rarely manages to achieve the kind of external significance that demands a readers or a viewers attention. particularly the sort of amicable, tectonic break-ups that involve a slow and steady drifting away, of an alienation of affection that eventually swallows any passion, the sort of break-up that happens more out of mutual disregard than anything else. so in that spirit my most disappointing game of 2010 was Final Fantasy XIII which, six months after purchase, was discovered still in its original shrinkwrap in a box of old wii games while i was moving out of my old apartment. previously i would’ve at least made the effort – limned my frustrated nostalgia and worked-up arguments over the merits of this or that mechanical system. but this was the year i didn’t even care enough to try. i gave the game to my 17 yo cousin instead.

Coint & Plick 2010 #37: Final Fantasy XIII

Posted in 2010 by trdn89 on June 2, 2011

30 points, 1 vote, .5 TOP GAME vote

Official Game Site

Princess TamTam: a daring reimagining of what constitutes “good” and “fun” gaming… boldly elects to regress in quality from Final Fantasy XI… fearless in the way that all great art is, will one day be seen as a Duchampian lightning bolt that forced a reassessment of the status quo

Kotaku review


Square Enix has sent at least two apologies to its customers, recognizing the poor quality of the game, asking for patience, and announcing free trial extensions and reshuffles in the development team.

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Coint & Plick 2010 #106k: Final Fantasy XIII

Posted in 2010 by trdn89 on February 5, 2011

5 points, 1 vote

Official Game Site

Mordy: Okay, it’s a problem when you LITERALLY spending more time watching your game than playing it. This is ridiculous. I really regret getting xiii tbh :/

Wired Review

s1ocki: My friend has been waiting for this for YEARS. He ordered it from japan (he speaks japanese). He HATED IT 😦 😦 😦

Zero Punctuation Review

”13 Reasons I Hate FF13”

forksclovetofu : My immediate impression is that the game is SUMPTUOUS and LUSH but not very engaging. I lasted about two hours and turned away in sad and weary defeat. Call me old fashioned but I enjoy actually PLAYING my games rather than having them played for me. Plus: Leona Lewis? Really?

Yoichi Wada (Square Enix Prez/CEO) Interview

adam : All i’ve done so far is push the left stick fwd and mash X for 2 hours. Still having fun tho.

Linearity Defined

aarrissi-a-roni: Even though every character in it is utterly unbearable, I am having a great time. It’s just an endless series of beautifully drawn and managed battles punctuated by flipping over to soup up your characters from time to time, loosely strung together by a story that is as compelling and necessary as the Mortal Kombat backstory. What can i say; it’s really working for me.

Famitsu Interview with Tetsuya Nomura

More Square/Enix Interviews

Mitch Krpata: Screw all y’all. This game was great.

The Conundrum of FFXIII

Roberto Spiralli: imagine you went to see a magician. he gets on stage and he pulls a handkerchief out of his sleeve. it is one of those long strings of handkerchiefs, multi-coloured, that keeps on coming. the colours are so beautiful and the material seems to shimmer. it’s breathtaking and fun to watch this long chain of fabric keep flowing from inside his sleeve. and it keeps coming. and coming. a few hours pass and some people start to leave. you are pretty sure that this is going somewhere, though, and you know that he is gonna have some other tricks. still the handkerchief keeps coming. 10 hours gone and he’s still going. more people have left. this is cool, but something happens, right? 15 hours… 20 hours… the room is almost empty and finally you tear your eyes away from the endless flow of colours and with regret you get up and leave. you hear later that the trick went on for 45 hours, just that same on trick, and that some people even stayed all the way to the end.

if i had had time to write a blurb on FFXIII that would’ve been it.

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Coint & Plick 2008 #44c: Final Fantasy Tactics A2: Grimoire of the Rift

Posted in 2008 by trdn89 on February 22, 2010

15 points, 1 vote

Official game site

Dy: My reactions are becoming more positive the more I play but it’s quite slow and certainly no match for Tactics on the PS.

Webber: It’s better than FFTA1, but still somewhat infuriating. It’s a good choice if you’re looking for a game to sink a ridiculous amount of time into. I played through about twenty hours but since I didn’t like the way I was leveling (and because I am ridiculously anal), I restarted and put in _another_ twenty or so hours into it. I found and used a fourth thief dagger relatively early on this time so my team is well on their way to becoming dual-wielding killing machines.

Will M: Really enjoying it. This game is absurdly slow but it makes my terrible commute relatively fast by comparison so I don’t mind. Apparently I’ve played forty hours now? I think I’m technically 2/3 through the game but I am really fucking dicking around a LOT; I feel sure I could have easily beaten it by now.

Coint & Plick 2008 #55h: Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core

Posted in 2008, PSP Games of the Year by trdn89 on February 22, 2010

10 points, 1 vote

Official game site

Mitch Krpata: Finally, a Final Fantasy VII product worthy of the name. It’s all heart. Crisis Core would be compulsively playable even if you’d never spent a moment with Final Fantasy VII. The basic mechanics share much with traditional RPGs, but they’ve been streamlined to include some real-time action elements. Although combat is still menu-driven — you can choose to attack, cast spells, and use items from your inventory — you maintain full control of Zack at all times and can block or dodge at will. Zack travels and fights alone, without a supporting cast of characters. This is different from what you find in most Final Fantasy games; it makes for economical use of the PSP’s screen and the relatively brief battle sequences keep the action moving.

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